The day started out normal
enough at North Castle. But of course, since this is Hyrule we’re talking
about, normal days were an abnormality. Anything out of the ordinary was
practically normal here, so this normal day quickly became... more normal.
Two goriyas hookshot up to
the castle wall, throwing boomerangs with ropes attached around the tower,
getting ready to swing through the window. Two cloaked moblins entered through
the kitchen, past a snoring cook, and exited, creeping along the ramparts
quietly. The two cloaked figures rushed in through the door to the donjon’s
topmost chamber. The two on the ramparts leapt, swinging through the open
window of the donjon’s topmost chamber.
The four collided. “oWAAAoooohhh!”
The interest of the
chamber’s fifth occupant was immediately drawn away from a book entitled ‘Adventure’
which he had been reading while lying on the bed. “Huh?”
One of the cloaked
figures- a moblin -had picked himself up and rushed forward, only to slip on an
apple core. His crossbow went off, sending the arrow ricocheting off the wall
and right at one of the goriyas. The goriya barely had enough time to throw his
boomerang before the arrow hit him. The boomerang spun around the chamber,
hitting the first moblin. His crossbow fired again, ricocheting off the wall,
aiming itself at the second goriya. The goriya ducked, and the arrow struck the
second moblin who had picked himself off the floor behind the goriya. The
moblin’s knife, which he had drawn just before getting hit by the arrow,
plummeted down, striking the goriya still crouched on the floor.
The chamber was once again
empty of anyone save for the one soul occupant of the bed with the book.
“Boy, I’m good,” Link
said, and went back to reading.
“It not our fault,” said
one of the moblins from inside the Evil Jar. “Stupid little goriyas all over.”
He waved his hand in emphasis, smacking his fist accidentally into the other
moblin’s face.
“He was in our way,” said
the second moblin after recovering from the hit, “jumping in the window right
on top of us.” One of the goriyas grabbed the moblin, and the two started a
brawl good enough for any bar room.
Ganon watched the two
fight, then threw out his hands, zapping all four with green energy. “Silence!”
The four dropped down in pain. “Maybe that will shock some sense into you!
Bwaaaaa!” He snapped his fingers and vanished from his spot in front of the
jar.
The four looked at each
other. “That not fair,” the first moblin said. “It his stupid plan.”
“Duh, yeah,” the first
goriya said. “We should have come up from below instead.”
“Yeah,” the second moblin
leaned back on the wreathing pink gasses like an easy chair. “But ‘no way.’
Ganon’s the boss. We gotta follow his orders. Hmph!”
“dUh... why?” the second
goriya asked. “We could do better. Let’s kick him out!”
“Yeah, good idea,” the
first moblin said. “And I know just how to do it. Come here.” The other three
gathered around the moblin.
Ganon raised a wand in his
hand. “Ahh. My Capture Staff is finished. Now for a test.” He snapped his
fingers, vanishing and teleporting back to in front of the Evil Jar. “Well? Who
would like to volunteer to help me test my latest device?” The two moblins shook
their heads. The two goriyas stood still. “All right then, I volunteer you!”
Ganon zapped the first moblin, and he reappeared floating outside the Evil Jar.
Ganon used the wand in his left hand and zapped the moblin
A bubble formed around the
moblin. “Oh! Hey ey! Let me- let me out!”
“It works,” Ganon softly
said. “Totally impervious to magic, and completely indestructible.” He watched
the bubble drop and the moblin inside bounce around.
“Ooof!” The bubble came to
a stop. The moblin inside got to his hands and knees. “Amazing, Master. This
bubble really indestructible?”
“Except for this!” Ganon
floated to one of the Evil Jar’s support legs and put the wand down. He
teleported to the bubble’s side and picked it up, bringing it with him to the
glowing red Triforce on its platform. “The Triforce of Power!” The bubble
touched the Triforce, popping. The moblin fell to the floor, rolling back over
to where the wand leaned against the Evil Jar’s support leg. “Ah hahahahahaha!
This is the perfect thing to trap Zelda with, and no magic of mine can free
her!”
The moblin looked at the
wand next to him and looked back at Ganon.
“Yeah hahahahaha!” Ganon
laughed. “Once again, my plan is perfect”
The moblin picked up the
wand and twirled it. “We tired of your plans, Ganon.” Ganon jerked back in
surprise. “So now, the laughs on you!” The moblin zapped Ganon with the wand,
encasing Ganon in a bubble.
“Dyaaaa! I’ll get you!”
Ganon snapped his fingers, vanishing... but reappearing inside the bubble. He
tried again, with the same result. “Blast! I can’t get out!” The moblin smiled.
Ganon zapped the bubble with his green electric magic, but it bounced off and
hit him. “Dyaaa! Let me out! You’ll pay for this, you traitors!”
The moblin removed one of
the slabs from the floor, vast amounts of light came up briefly. “No way, Boss.”
He walked over and pushed the bubble over to the uncovered hole. “We taking
over,” he shoved the bubble into the hole, “and you dropping out. Heha
hehahahaha!”
“No! No! Not the
bottomless pit!” The bubble continued down, past the pit’s open bottom, into a
bigger pit- straight down to Hyrule’s center. “Nooooo!”
The moblin shoved the top
of the Evil Jar slightly. “He gone,” he said into the jar. “Everybody out.” All
the monsters came up, laughing and cheering. The moblin dropped, followed by
the second moblin. “It up to us now,” he said to the other moblin. “We must
make plans. Here, hold this,” he handed the wand to the other moblin. “And don’t
drop it.”
“Don’t what?” the second moblin
asked.
“Drop it, stupid!”
“Whatever you say,” the second
moblin dropped the wand, breaking it.
The first moblin turned
around, facing the second. “Oooooh! Now I know how Ganon feel!”
“Dnaaaooooo!” Ganon
yelled, the bubble continued on downward. “Those vermin traitors. What are they
up to? Dnaaoooooooo!” The bubble continued down.
Several monsters shoved
the large bronze bat statue off the top of the Evil Jar. It crashed, breaking
on the floor, and even more monsters came out of the jar. “Hahaha! Yehaaa!”
They mingled on the floor, and started talking and enjoying their freedom. It
looked like a costume party of people who haven’t seen each other in years.
Two green eyed gohmas
grabbed the legs of the Evil Jar and dragged it across the floor. “That’s it,”
the first moblin said, standing on Ganon’s throne. “Take Evil Jar! It’s ours
now! Take it to another cavern!” He ran down the stairs from the throne and
jumped onto the top of the Evil Jar, next to a stalfo, a vire, and a gibdo. All
the monsters on the floor walked along side the moving Evil Jar. Perched on the
rim of the jar, the moblin exclaimed, “We rule underworld now! And first thing
we do is get revenge on Link and Zelda! Huh?” The moblin noticed the
approaching stalactite just in time to be knocked inside the jar as the jar
moved under the stalactite. “Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
“Hmmmm... so?” Zelda sat
in a chair, in her room.
Link held up his hands. “So
I’m just lying there, right? And then suddenly, from the window, I hear this
crash.”
Suddenly, from the window
came a crash.
Zelda turned to face the
noise. “Goodness! You certainly tell a realistic story!”
A rock with a note rolled
over to Link’s feet. “Hey! A note!” He picked it up, untied the note and tossed
the rock aside. “It says: Princess Zelda, surrender or be destroyed. Sighed:
The Brotherhood of Underworld Monsters.”
“Hhhhuhhhhh!” Zelda
gasped. “Link! Look at this!” She pointed out the window.
Link joined her. “Uh oh...”
Seeing what laid out there, “Uh... Princess...” The castle was surrounded by
legions upon legions of monsters. There were several wooden battle towers, lots
of ladders, catapults... “Looks like it’s going to be a busy day.”
“Ganon’s monsters have
surrounded the castle,” Zelda said... a bit obvious, but she was the princess
and was allowed to state the obvious. “But where’s Ganon? I don’t see him
anywhere.”
Link turned to face the
princess. “I have a feeling Ganon’s got his own troubles.”
Ganon zapped the still
descending bubble, again the zap bounced back and hit him. “Dow Ow! Blast! I’m
still falling! And none of my magic will get through this bubble. ...ack... But
maybe... That’s it! My magic will still work inside the bubble! I’ll
make a balloon to float me back up again.” He waved his hand, and a second
bubble appeared inside the first. The second bubble filled, shoving Ganon
against the sides, sandwiched between the two bubbles. “It works! I’m rising!”
He snorted, pig style. “And soon, I shall have my revenge!”
The first moblin walked
down the line, zolas lined on one side of the log, gibdos lined on the other.
The second moblin was standing on the log. “Okay, you charge on my signal. We
go up, break castle gate when I signal like this,” he demonstrated.
The gibdos and zolas
picked up the log and started charging.
The first moblin started
running after them. “No! Wait! It too far! Not now! Wait, I said!”
The gibdos and zolas
tired, slowed, and barely made it to the gate. When the log tapped the gate,
they all fell. The second moblin who had been perched on the log fell off. “Oh,
you idiots!”
Link stood on the window
sill, Magical Sword in one hand, rope in the other. “Wait, Link,” Zelda held up
a hand. “We may not need a hero to fight off this attack.” She turned to face
Link. “We may not even need you.”
“Well, excuuuuuuse me,
Princess!”
“Ah! Ha ha! Look over
there!” she pointed while laughing.
“We show them we mean
business!” the moblin standing in front of several stalfos said. “Get ready to
fire on castle!”
A goriya directed a group
of vires into the air, hefting octorocks in their claws. The octorocks spat
rocks at the castle. “Duh, my monster bombers are going to get them.”
“Fire!” The moblin
signaled the stalfos to fire. Their arrows shot up... shooting the vires and
octorocks. “Oops! This job harder than I thought!”
“Ah hahaha!” Link had
gotten off the window sill and was standing next to the princess. “I see what
you mean, Princess! These dimwits are beating themselves!”
“C’mon,” Zelda said. “Let’s
go find out what Ganon’s up to.” She ran off away from the window with Link
following.
A ladder slammed into the
side of the castle wall. Darknuts gathered at the bottom, climbing up one by
one... one for every rung. The ladder collapsed under their weight. “Oh oh ah,
I told you so!” the first goriya said to the second.
“Why should I listen to an
airhead like you?” the second goriya asked.
“Airhead? Take this potato
brain!” The two started fighting, kicking the dirt up in a comic cloud.
The moblin jumped up onto
a rock in front of the slingshot catapults. In his hand was an unlit bomb. “Now.
When I say fire...”
The lionels sliced the
ropes. One of the rocks smashed into the moblin, taking him along for the ride.
“Ung... No- not yeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” He landed in the courtyard fountain.
Link and Princess Zelda
watched him fly over their heads and come down, having just exited into the
courtyard. They ran up to the fountain. “Hey, moblin!” Link said to the
monster, “This is the stupidest attack Ganon ever cooked up!”
“Not Ganon,” the moblin
shook his head. “We get rid of him. We in charge now.”
“Ganon’s... gone?” Zelda
asked.
Link and Zelda looked at
each other. “Let’s go get his Triforce!” they said in unison.
“C’mon!” Link said to
Zelda, passing her on his way, “there’s an old underworld entrance in the
dungeon.” Both ran off... Link dashed back. “Oops... almost forgot.” He zapped
the moblin, snatching the unlit bomb the moblin had been holding. He and Zelda
ran into the dungeon and jumped down an open hole.
“Mwmhmhmhmhm! Almost to
the top,” Ganon was still squished between the two bubbles. “Soon... revenge!”
Link and Zelda stepped
into the underworld’s main chamber. “Shoot,” Link said. “What a piece of cake.
The whole underworld’s deserted and Ganon’s gone. Practically makes a hero want
to retire.” He sheathed his sword. “Hhhhuhhh!” he gasped, looking behind Zelda.
Zelda turned. “Link! A
dodongo!”
Link shoved Zelda out of
the way, then jumped back in the opposite direction. As the dodongo passed,
Link drew his sword and shot it, drawing its attention. The dodongo charged.
Zelda chucked the bomb obtained earlier into the dodongo’s mouth. The dodongo vanished.
“You saved us, Princess,” Link walked to Zelda. “Kiss me.”
“Ah hahahahahaha! Link, let’s go.”
Link shrugged. “It was worth a try.”
Zelda dashed up to the red
Triforce, followed by Link. “Awh! The Triforce of Power! At last I will have
both Triforces and our kingdom will be safe forever!”
“Hmmm... And I’ll be out
of a job,” Link mussed.
“Don’t you dare!” Ganon
shouted. The bubble he was in rose out of a hole in the floor. He popped the
second bubble and it landed next to the hole.
Link and Zelda turned. “Ganon!”
Zelda exclaimed.
“That Triforce is mine!”
Ganon shouted. “I stole it fair and square!” His hands came up and two large
green electric bolts lashed out. They bounced off the inside of the bubble and
hit him. “Ow! Ohoo oooohh! I keep forgetting I can’t do that!”
“Oh you can’t, eh?” Link
walked over to the bubble. “Ha ha! Here’s where we have some fun, Princess!” He
picked up the bubble Ganon was in and started tossing it up and down.
“Put me down, you insolent
worm!”
“Link,” Zelda said, as if
scolding a school age boy. “Stop fooling around. Let’s get the Triforce and get
out of here.”
Link tossed the bubble
above his head. “Aw, c’mon, Princess. Lighten up!” He tossed the bubble at
Zelda. “Here, have a ball!”
“Ahhh!” Zelda tried shoving
the bubble away...
It landed on the Triforce
of Power and popped. Ganon tumbled to the ground and got up. Zelda dashed away
from him. “Ooop,” Link said. “Oh... now I’ve done it...”
Ganon rose, blue energy
danced out from his body. Link and Zelda ran away from him. He tossed a blue
energy bolt at them, missing them. The dust cloud from the missed bolt followed
them out of the hole as they climbed back into the castle dungeon. “Any other
time,” Ganon growled, “I would pursue you insects! Aaooooh! But there are
others I wish to deal with first!”
“Form up! Form up! We try
again!” the moblin called out to the monsters, lying in various heaps amid the
smoldering rubble. The monsters just laid and moaned. A faint cloud descended
upon the monster army. The moblin looked at it before covering his eyes. “Uh
oh... somebody let the boss out...” The cloud gathered up all the monsters and
vanished back to the underworld.
Ganon stood before his
monsters, all of them kneeling before him. “You traitors will pay for your
insolence, NOW!” He pointed at them with his left hand. He looked around at the
chamber. “This place is a mess!” A mess was an understatement. The monsters had
left the chamber a virtual disaster zone. “I want it cleaned up!... with your
tongues.”
The monsters looked up in
oh no expressions. They obligingly lowered and started licking the floor.
Link walked over to Zelda,
on the floor in the dungeon. She snapped around. “Nnnhhh! Don’t touch me! I’m
not speaking to you!”
“Aw... c’mon, Princess...”
“No!” Zelda got up. “We
almost had the Triforce! It was right there! But noooooo! You had to
start messing around.” She pointed an accusing finger at Link.
Link stepped backwards. “I
know, I know. It was all my fault. S- so there’s only one thing I can say, I
guess.”
Zelda frowned. “And that is?”
“Excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess.”
“OOOooohhhrrrrrrrrr!”
Zelda clenched her fists in anger. She picked up an empty bucket and slammed it
onto Link’s head. She walked away.
“Oh well, at least I still
have a job,” Link shrugged.